Home again, home again, jiggity jig

I have to bring my car in tomorrow. It has been acting up but nothing that shows a real problem. However there is 62,000 miles on my little 2004 Hyundai and if I don't get the scheduled maintanence and the timing belt replaced my 100,000/10year warranty will be void. Problem? Those two little pieces cost a little over 1100 dollars. Holy shit thats a lot of money. But if I don't do it, and something goes wrong it could be so much worse. Damn damn damn. And I have to get up for 8am to do it. :(

TCU (#11) vs Boise State (#9) in the San Diego Poinsettia Bowl on December 23rd. Not quite the Sugar Bowl the Frogs had hoped for, but a big game none the less. The BSU Broncos are very good, in fact they are undefeated, and were the last team to beat the Horned Frogs in a bowl game (my freshman year- man how time flies). The Frogs are 10-2 though, with their only loses coming to top 10 teams, including National Title contender Oklahoma. They are a strong team with a defense that is #1 or #2 nationally in most statistical catagories. There is no doubt the game will be a good one, with the winner securing a top ten ranking in the final standings.

Meanwhile, the other Mountain West Conference teams are in good matchups, especially Utah in the Sugar Bowl vs Alabama. BYU in the Las Vegas Pioneer Vision Bowl vs. Arizona. BYU kind of got there under controversy since the Las Vegas bowl is a higher rated, higher paying bowl than the Poinsettia, and the Frogs did beat BYU pretty soundly. The reps for the Vegas Bowl said that BYU traveled better, setting off a mini-storm about whether it is ok that football has become about who will get the better attendence vs. who is the deserving team. Needless to say money won out, but in the end the storm passed because the Poinsettia Bowl match-up vs Boise St is a much better game. It is almost definitely the best non-BCS bowl this year. The other MWC teams going bowl-ing are Colorado State and Air Force. Air Force is a pretty good team, Co. State isn't too bad, but not quite the same caliber as the top 4 MWC teams.

Well, it should be a pretty interesting bowl season. The Sooners stole the title game from UT, the Gators took the title game from Bama. I think Florida will actually beat OU, but then again I can't stand the Sooners and am probably just full of wishful thinking. Sorry to Boomer Sooner fans.. Living in Fort Worth for four years, I have a lot of Sooner friends (and a lot of UT friends), and I try to be supportive, but at the end of the day I have to say that I will never really be able to root for the Sooners. Don't get me wrong. I think the Sooners are a better team than UT, but they didn't deserve to be in the Big 12 game. I also think TCU is better than Utah, but does that matter? No, Utah beat TCU and therefore earned their right to play in the big(ger) game. Ok, well that is my two cents on the matter, not that anyone asked for it. I know both sides are blind to the other because they want to believe they are right.

So, I love college football, through all of the BCS drama, and the heartbreaking losses, and the bowl games on Tuesdays nights 2 days before Christmas. And I don't care what anyone says there is nothing like being a part of football tradition at a school that is small enough that it still matters that you went there. TCU is a great little school, with a lot of heart, and there are few of us around that we know we need to stick together. And, there is still nothing better than the end of the game when we all group up in the stands and face a victorious team and sing our Alma Mater in one voice:                                           

Hail all hail, TCU,

Memories Sweet, Comrades True

Light of Faith, Follow Through

Praise to thee, T-C-U!

Go Frogs!

I am a week away from moving. I brought a load of stuff to my best friend J in Memphis, and I am now beginning to pack the stuff I am bringing home. That means sorting through EVERYTHING I have accumulated over the past year. I know that probably many of you have already gone from apartment to apartment, house to house and are pros at this. But for me it has never really been like this. I have only moved out of dorms... very different. I didn't have any furniture, and I couldn't accumulate as much because I only had one room. Now I have dishes that I love and don't want to get rid of, furniture pieces that mean a lot, and clothes.. oh goodness, do I have clothes.

The clothes have been the worst. I have two big trash bags full of clothes/shoes to give away and I feel like I haven't even scratched the surface. Plus it has been so hard. Every shirt reminds me of something: the one I wore to the football games at TCU, the one I kept because it was my dads, the one that I got from winter camp. Believe me, there is a whole closet of this shit. Don't even get me started on the stacks of hooded sweatshirts (have I mentioned I am a recovering tomboy). I just look at it all and think, ok well I can't hold on to everything forever. And it's not like I don't have other momentos. There are pictures, and souveniers. But for some reason clothes always get me. I ended up holding onto the TCU football shirt, and my dads old shirt. The winter camp shirt is gone, along with many others that had some special meaning. Still there is a couple suitcases full of clothes, many that just mean a chance at landing a job and many that hold a memory of some moment in my life. I don't mind that I am sentimental, I just wish I wasn't so terrified at the idea of letting them all go.

Then of course there is paperwork to go through. Oh that isn't going to be fun in the least. And I don't want to be a complete dick to the environment so I will try to recycle what I can. In fact I have a whole closet full of recycling.. for those of you who don't know New Orleans well, a combination of the city being wiped away by a Hurricane and a general indifference towards "hippie" causes has lead to no curbside recycling (although that is slowly changing).. anyway my closet sits full because I have not gone to any of the "recycling drop off days" due to a combination of laziness and forgetfulness. They happen once a month. I am sure there are places to drop it off also, but I haven't bothered to research it because up til this point my closet has served the purpose of keeping the recycling out of the garbage and out of the way. I must get it out now, however.

Anyway, packing. yes, i must pack and must leave VOX alone. But it is soooo boring and frustrating. I hate it. Ok, I'm done whining. Back to work.

This is my big sister.. we are so proud ;)

She is the one called Tara in the first video, even though she is Natalie, and the one the red in the second. The other girl, strangely enough, is named Tara and is funny.

I remember all through elementary, middle and high schools being the kid that always had the right answers (even if I was too shy to say it). The thing is, I felt smart when I was in school, and I felt like I was learning. Novel concept to be sure. But, anyway, now I've survived undergrad at a decent school (Texas Christian University) and I am about to graduate with a MSW from a well respected school (Tulane University).. and I feel like in the last 5 years I have not only learned nothing, I've also lost the ability to learn. Aside from losing all interest in learning (which sucks), I find myself starting to question whether or not I am actually an intellegent person. Mind you this is not from feeling insecure due to smarter people surrounding me as education progresses. Rather, I feel like my abilities have begun to decline. I am only 23, I should be hitting my stride, but instead I am already faltering. Even as I write this blog, I think that if I had written this even just a few years ago it would sound smarter, and be more engaging. As it is, I cannot memorize things like I used to, I am not nearly as quick witted as I once was, and I can't even remember the last time I read a full sentence. And, more disturbing I find myself unable to spell, and use punctuations and grammar correctly. In fact that last sentence sucked. Does this make sense to anyone?

I miss the days when learning was both fun and exciting. I used to think the more knowledge that I had the more possibilities I would have in life. But grad school, and even undergraduate classes, make you feel like with every new thing you learn you are pigeon holing yourself. Suddenly I know too much about socail work, and I am a social worker. I feel like that is what I am suddenly limited to in life. And I just keep asking myself: "what just happened?" Oh well, I am a social worker. A master's level social worker, who will likely never find a job that gives me the respect I should get or the challenge that I need. Just because it is hard work, doesn't mean it is stimulating. But deep down I know that there is something in this field, in the community action and engagement, in the policy making or lobbying, and in the research that is for me. But I need to be out of academia, and out of my little hole that I feel I have been pushed into.

I have been feeling really weighed down lately, by life and the big decisions it brings. I just want to feel like I can move forward without losing me, or my mind. I want to be comfortable with the fact that people don't always approve of my life choices. I want to move home. I know it isn't the "struggling-through-the-twenties" lifestyle that I've always touted. But the 18-22 year old me didn't know the 23 year old me. The 23 year old me has the patience and realism that the 18-22 year old me couldn't foresee. I want to move home. For a retreat from struggling. For a chance to pay some bills while not incurring more debt. For a chance to feel like I have a home again. And, for a chance to step back, look at the bigger picture and make my next move. Struggling is great, but so is resting. I am grown up enough to know that its okay to not be so independent all the time. And I'm still a kid enough to turn to my mommy first. Anyone who doesn't agree with that has to realize one thing: they are not me and therefore cannot make informed judgements about what is best for me. If it is a bad choice, well then I guess I will have learned one more thing from trial and error. Life is only what we make of it, and it cannot be altered once it has been lived.  

So thats what is on my mind. Tomorrow I present the final piece to my graduate project and after that there are no more assignments between me and my degree. Funny, I don't feel like an educated woman.

You know. I was thinking about things and I remembered I had a Vox account and I decided I would look at it.... Over a year has passed since I updated this. It's not that I've been too busy.. It's not that I haven't had anything worth saying.. I'm just not good at this.

So here is a year in review:

-Moved to New Orleans (My 2nd favorite place I have lived.. being born in Vegas I am partial to it) 

-Lived in my first "all-mine" apartment (No roommates, no dorm rules.. so awesome)  

-Spent a year working towards a Masters in Social Work (which I will have in less than 2 weeks)

-Spent a year working towards a Masters in Public Health (which I will no longer be pursuing, because I hate it)

-Sadly, my Grandma passed away at age 96. (Sad she passed, but she lived a wonderfully long life)

-My nephews turned one (They are still so cute)

-My sister deployed to Afghanistan (She'll be back in March.. it's a one year tour)

-Mardi Gras (It happens every year, I know.. but I lived here for this one)

-Sports teams I don't care about won championships (TCU did have a nice season though)

-Barack Obama became the president of the United States of America (I voted for him)

-Oh, and I recently decided to move back home to live with my parents (that should be interesting)

Well. I hit the main points I think.. That pretty much catches you up to here... where I leave the wonderful city of New Orleans to go live with my parents in Stockton, Ca. Yay me!

Show us your favorite team mascot.

Superfrog

The most awesome mascot in college sports, TCU's Superfrog. Go Frogs!

And like a chump I missed game 4. I know, I know inexcusable as a fan. But my friend from Texas was in town and we made dinner arrangements. I did it partly because I wanted to see her and that was the only day that worked, and partly because I didn't really think they'd sweep. And while I'm glad they did, watching the TiVo'd version just wasn't the same. So sad. But I missed most of the ALCS because I was convinced that I was bad luck. I know, there is so much wrong with me.

Sox celebration

Anyway, in other news I have been watching the entire series of Sports Night, courtesy of Netflix. For those who don't remember it (most likely everyone) it was an Aaron Sorkin sitcom from the late 90's. I always loved it, and I decided I would get it and watch it all. So far it is as good as I remember it. Felicity Huffman, Robert Guillaume, and Peter Krause star among others. The writing is superb, very much what you would expect from someone who brought you The West Wing, A Few Good Men, The American President, etc. Personally I think most people involved in the show are brilliant, and I would own it, but I can't imagine spending fifty bucks to own a TV show that was on for three seasons. Then again it might be one of my all time favorites. Right up there with MASH and The West Wing.

Sports night

Ok, well I suppose that is enough mindlessness for one day.. I promise someday soon I will talk about things that matter. Just hang in there.

at least not yet. I have a place lined up in New Orleans. And it isn't with the person previously mentioned. It is a rental that my uncle's best friend owns and it is apparently a nice second floor apartment in Mid-City. I was more hoping for uptown, but he says it is safe and we get a discount, so what more could a girl want. Only problem: my real-estate agent (aka my mom) failed to ask it they allowed pets, so I might not be getting a dog after all. We'll see.

Ok, so it is 3 weeks until I move to New Orleans and I am scared out of my mind. Last night I really almost had a heart attack. I was lying there and I could feel my heart beating faster and harder in my chest. And I felt as though I couldn't breathe. I think it is a mix of uncertainty and that things aren't going as smoothly as I would like.

The financial aid people were supposed to send me info over a month ago. Then a couple weeks ago I called and they had my address wrong, so I fixed it and they were supposed to send it again. Low and behold 2 weeks later I had to contact them again. This time I am assured it will be here in a week. It wasn't just the pain of waiting on absolutely necessary information. It was that when I talked to them they were rude. Which doesn't make me more excited to go there.

I don't know about my living situation. I was planning to move and live by myself. Rent would be higher, but I don't deal well with other people. Now there is a girl in the program I'm attending looking for roommates for a gorgeous and spacious 2 bedroom. She is in her early 30's and seems nice enough. We have some things in common, like musical taste. But then again she has a cat, and enjoys brainless comedies that I hate. (Night at the Roxbury?!!?) And I would have to live with someone else, live by their rules.... compromise, be considerate. I just don't want to. But I wouldn't mind having someone there when it's late and there is a mysterious noise. And rent would be considerably less. And I wouldn't have to buy much in the way of furniture. I don't know what to do.. I just want people to make my decisions for me.

Anyway.. there is still so much that needs to be done.. packing, car maintanance, school paperwork, loan deferrment forms.. and so on.

I am such a mess right now, and knowing me it will only get worse before it gets better.